SKYLINE

I first noted Skyline, because I read that the effects house had ditched Battle:Los Angeles in favour of working on this. It got my interest, and so I sought it out. Directed by the Brothers Strause, Skyline is much like their previous movie Aliens Vs Predator: Requiem – it is hugely flawed, but not irredeemably so.

The story revolves around  Jarrod and Elaine who arrive in Los Angles to visit old friend Terry on his birthday (Turk from Scrubs, playing Turk from Scrubs). At around 4am these brightly blue, luminescent rays descend from the skies and strike LA at various points over the city. The protagonists swiftly realise it is the beginning of an alien invasion, and have to find a way out of their predicament. With little success, they find themselves confined in their apartment building by the horrors outside.

The problem with Skyline is in its complete and utter lack of any originality. Clearly, unique thought was at a premium in the scripwriter’s house as it plays like a shopping list of derivative sci fi. From The Mist to The Matrix, by way of Independence Day, Cloverfield and District 9, there’s a lot of other people’s ideas on show.

Additionally, one thing I really hate about bad creature features and horror movies is when the villain or monster stops doing whatever it is that makes them fearsome in the first place (there is mild spoiler ahead). For example, they set the aliens up from the start as being able to kill people very easily – with either their mind control rays or fearsome tentacles – so how is it then that a human being is able to wail on one with his bare fists in a big alien vs person punch up? Why doesn’t it just shoot a tentacle at him and kill him? Lame.

However as I mentioned above, although flawed it is not without merit. The effects are great and there are a couple of really cracking set pieces. A chase through the building courtyard and an E.B.E. assault atop the roof provide robust thrills aplenty.

Additionally the alien design MUST have been drawing inspiration (pun intended) from Mike Mignola and John Arcudi’s B.P.R.D. series, in particular the apocalyptic scenes from the Black Flame storyline, as they look to be riffing heavily on the frog design (see picture). This is however a compliment as they look grubbily realistic. The extraterrestrials look great and the effects are largely impressive and cool.


Actor wise, we have the likeable Donald Faison, as mentioned.  As well as Eric Balfour who is better known as being the weasel-y guy from Six Feet Under and one of the people who thought that remaking the Texas Chainsaw Massacre was a good idea (note: it WASN’T).

Another of the main four is played by Brittany Daniel - one half of the Sweet Valley High tv series twins, of yore. The kind of Californian aryan surfette that you heretofore probably thought existed only in Charlie Sheen’s mind. She was actually pretty good and one of the better actors in this thing.

Ultimately though, the film is marred by the wretchedly abysmal ending that rips off District 9 so badly they ought to be ASHAMED. At the very least they ought to give Neill Blomkamp a writing credit! There is no explanation for what happens at the finale AT ALL, feeling like the movie finished without a proper end and leaving you wondering aloud about what the fuck just happened. It’s lazy and cheap and kind of insulting. What a drag.

What really makes it all a big fat shame is that Skyline was self financed by the Strause Brothers. It’s an admirable approach and sounds much like the way in which the criminally underrated Sky Captain And The World Of Tomorrow was conceived. But whereas Sky Captain was a lovingly seasoned homage to the likes of the Buck Rogers and Flash Gordon movie serials, Skyline scoffs too much off the plate of its forbears. To go to such great lengths and means of making the film in this way should be applauded, but I just wish that the story had been there to back it up.

Despite all this, and some dodgy acting, the effects are top notch and mean that it does remain mostly watchable. Even while it’s shameless pilfering of better sci-fi is brazenly shoved in front of you, it has just enough enjoyable moments in it to make it worth a watch. And given time, it could even become a guilty pleasure.

IMDB: Skyline

BLACK SWAN

When I initially walked out of the cinema, I really wasn’t sure what to make of this. There were aspects of this bleak ride that I loved, coupled with a less tangible element that didn’t sit right for some reason. However the movie definitely stayed with me over the proceeding days and the more I think back on it and ponder it, the more I think it really was rather good.

The story focuses on ballet dancer Nina Sayers. Technically gifted yet emotionally stunted, she lives at home with her domineering mother and dedicates every waking hour to perfecting her craft. Her mother’s suffocating presence is revealed to be the result of both her vicarious desire for Nina’s career and Nina’s own troubled, self harming past. After years of dedication, she finally gets her big break as the lead in the company’s newest production of Swan Lake, but as she struggles with the part of the eponymous Black Swan the pressure begins to mount on her already brittle psyche.

I am still unsure about Aronovsky as a director (thankfully his Robocop reboot has been shelved), and the beginnings of the movie did nothing dissuade my misgivings. It was all shaky cam and ridiculously hard close-ups, which I hope was employed to signify Nina’s edgy, ill at ease personality, rather than as a stylistic choice. If the former, then I think I can eventually get on board with it; but if the latter, then it was just flat out annoying.

There were moments where the dialogue was risible - Thomas’s homework instruction to Nina, that she go home and engage in a spot of onanism felt like it came straight out of a Shannon Tweed movie. Although in fairness I would say that was a blip, because for the most part the acting was uniformly excellent. To be honest if Vincent Cassell and Natalie Portman have ever been anything less than great, then I’ve yet to see it. In the light of it’s Oscar glory, whatever else you might say about this film, you can’t deny that Natalie Portman is sensational, making Nina’s fragility utterly sympathetic and centring the movie with a crucial believability.

Mila Kunis, quite aside from being totally swoonsville, was also excellent as Nina’s friend/rival Lily. You’re never meant to be quite sure of her motives or if she is genuine or not. And at it’s core it’s this ambiguity throughout the main body of the film that makes Black Swan an interesting watch.

It's dark and tormented, and ultimately that's what won through for me.

IMDB: Black Swan

SHIT PASS

Ok, well first of all my feelings of shame at having sat through this tofurkey, make me feel like I need to justify why I went to see this in the first place! Basically it was playing at a Drive-In and we were caught up in the excitement of the Drive-In movie experience. We wanted a light hearted flick that we wouldn’t have to concentrate on too much. And boy did we ever get that.

Additionally it had allegedly been reviewed in a local paper as moving beyond its clichéd premise. And it is at this point that I should point out that the story was as utterly hackneyed as is possible to get. At no point whatsoever did it even dare to suggest it might move away from its thoroughly leaden and predictable direction

I should point out also, that I am a fan of the Farrelly Brothers masterpiece – Dumb and Dumber. I am also fond of There’s Something About Mary. But their early promise has curdled in the intervening years and here we are left with this wretched affront to cinema.

The plot – such as it is – involves Owen Wilson and his odious best friend receiving a ‘week off’ from their respective marriages in order to try and seduce women and supposedly get all of their letching out of their system. Cue two tedious hours of shittery, with lots of awful ‘the difference between men and women’ type humour, the likes of which you would ordinarily see spewing from the fat mouth of the worst kind of ‘Saturday-night-on-ITV’ comedian. The kind of lowest common denominator mirth that appeals to divs because ‘hey my wife/girlfriend/husband/boyfriend does that too! It’s so true”. You get the picture. Then, after the movie is done insulting you with the worst kind of Michael McIntyre jokes, it devolves into some utterly saccharine ‘we love our wives after all’ bullshit and you sit there feeling nauseous because you just wasted 10 dollars and a valuable part of your 30’s, that are just whizzing by at light speed, and can ill afford to be wasted on dreck like this.

In the spirit of full disclosure I should admit that it was not entirely unfunny. There were one or two amusing moments – such as Owen Wilson’s cack handed attempt at a chat-up line. The movie also ends with a superb Stephen Merchant sequence which I won’t say anything about lest I spoil the only pleasure this movie has to offer. My advice, if you MUST go see this, is just pop in at the end and watch the last 2 minutes.

Talking of Stephen Merchant, whilst it is indeed nice to see him getting some recognition, he is well and truly slumming it here. And what’s more, he’s not the only one. Owen Wilson co-wrote Rushmore for goodness sake! The same man who is partly responsible for the peerless The Royal Tenenbaums also starred in this piece of shit. Just let your brain process that one for a second, and try not to implode.

Also worthy of note is the presence of Leon from Curb Your Enthusiasm, which on the face of it, ought to be dynamite having him in a Farrelly Brothers movie. Disappointingly he is given nothing to do and after a while you just plain forget he’s in it.

Finally we come to Jason Sudeikis as the sidekick/best friend character. I have no idea who he is. Never seen him in anything before, but IMDB reliably informs me that he was in 30 Rock and Saturday Night Live. Frankly he is a disaster. He simply does not have the charisma to pull it off. Where he should be at least slightly sympathetic in order to get you board for his crude gags, he is merely obnoxious.  One hundred percent dislikeable and he never gets back on track.

You can tell how appalling it is going to be by the movie poster. In Drew Struzan’s book (which I hope to review here imminently) he laments the loss of the movie poster as a piece of artwork, replaced as it has been, by a series of floating heads put together by a suit with Photoshop. The poster to Hall Pass is the embodiment of this argument. I mean just LOOK at it! Look at how little effort or thought has been put into this poster. I mean it is just absolute fucking NOTHING. And lo, so is the movie.

Ultimately I don’t suppose you can criticise a film for doing pretty much what you expect of it. But you can certainly criticise all the jerkweeds who conspired to have it made in the first place. The fact that this film can be made at all boggles the mind and if you’ve ever seen Idiocracy then you will know the World has just moved one step closer to seeing ‘Ass’ actually get made!

IMDB: Hall Pass

STREET TRASH

 Another slice of 80’s trash horror that I was very keen to see. I mean what’s not to like about the premise: liquor store owner discovers box of cheap booze called Viper in the basement, sells it to tramps, tramps drink it, tramps melt. On top of all that, check out the fantastic t-shirt design (from Fright Rags), below.

All signs point to awesome.



How had I not seen this before? Well as child there was many a coveted movie staring down at me from the shelves of Flickers video store that I was unable to rent due to overly responsible parenting. C.H.U.D. springs to mind immediately (and is next on my list of 80’s horror to watch!), and at the time of Street Trash’s release in 1987 I would have been 11 years old. I doubt I would have been allowed to watch it, bearing in mind I was not allowed to see Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom when it came out at the cinema because of the bit where Mola Ram pulls a geezer's heart out of his chest. I had to go see popular-youth-fad-cash-in flick BMX Bandits instead (which incidentally was rather good, and my brother actually watched it every single day for an entire year when we had it on video). But I digress, I was refused rental of Die Hard 2: Die Harder when I was but mere months shy of my 15th birthday and it would therefore have been a complete no hoper attempting to rent this.

So here we are. The year is 2011. How will Street Trash hold up when viewed through my cynical new millennial eyeballs? The answer, unfortunately, as is often the case with these things, was that it was a bit of a disappointment.

For starters, the main problem is that not many people actually melt! Which is a bit of drag considering that’s the main draw of the film. Don’t get me wrong, when folk do actually come a cropper at the end of a bottle of Viper, it’s undoubtedly a lot of gloopy fun. The yuppie who walks under a fire escape and meets a sticky end via a faceful of liquidised tramp, is a particular highlight of the movie. But because the main meltings are left to bookend the story, we are left with a very limp middle. In fact it’s just plain boring. Focussing on unsympathetic main characters, an annoying cop and a bizarre villain in the shape of homeless Vietnam vet, Bronson.

It is without a doubt, exceptionally badly acted across the board, which in and of itself is not always so bad. Often with a movie like this it is the nature of the beast. However Street Trash suffers with it because the middle part of the film doesn’t have much of any interest going on, drifting on more than one occasion into general incoherence. In the same way that many movies today have every single minute plot detail SPELLED OUT for the thickos, it seems a fair few 80's flicks were the polar opposite in their need for a tad more exposition.

The thing that really spoils Street Trash though is that it sports a disturbing line in casual misogyny. Be it the supposedly ‘humorous’ sexual bullying from a fat man, or some necrophilia in the aftermath of a rape/murder, played for comedic effect (no lie!) and telegraphed by some jaunty bassoon music!!! It’s very dodgy indeed, and what I’m sure was probably intended as some sort of bad taste, boundary pushing outrage/humour manages to fail on just about every level, leaving a pretty sour taste and coming across as generally nasty which is tonally out of whack with the rest of the film.

As for the good points, well it started well, and excluding the points made above, it ended well also. There were some great, fun, melting effects and the final scenes with Bronson actually showcased some skill, imagination and ability on behalf of the film makers!

I think the other thing to bear in mind when revisiting or (re)discovering these movies is what I am going to call ‘Reanimator Syndrome’. There is likely to be nothing to top Stuart Gordon and Brian Yuzna  masterpiece of black humour and sensational gore. Reanimator is pure glorious excess. The nadir of the genre, and the benchmark against which all splatter and gore must, in my opinion, be judged. You may say Braindead, and I would strongly argue that it is not a patch on Reanimator, and you might say The Evil Dead, and I would have to concede you have a point and that is also a worthy yardstick. But the point I am making is that if Reanimator is a majestic, throbbing boner of a movie, then Street Trash is pure erectile dysfunction.

File under: 'glad I've seen but would not watch again'.

IMDB: Street Trash

PIRANHA

Ok so Alexandre Aja’s take on Joe Dante’s 1978 ‘classic’ Piranha arrived in glorious 3 Dimensions, with a sterling cast, but after the disappointment of Aja’s last directorial outing, Mirrors, the question was “does it deliver?”. And the answer is “Yes…in spades”

Casting ones mind back to my very first introductory post to this blog, in October 2009, one might notice my comment bestowing a high approval rating on Alexandre Aja, ranking him alongside other such luminaries as Carpenter and Raimi. An upstart for sure, with only a handful of films under his belt, but what films they are, sir. For my money Alexandre Aja is a properly exciting horror filmmaker. Enthusiastic in the way that all great nerds-come filmmakers need to be, and possessed of the ability to make some truly brutal and shocking cinema. The scares in his movies are not cheap, loud, noisy whizbangs, but skilfully crafted moments of tension punctuated by sudden and graphic violence. Switchblade Romance was an eye opener. A gruelling assault on the viewer, with its international title - High Tension (a.k.a.Haute Tension) - being thoroughly apt. The Hills Have Eyes laughed in the face of the principle that all horror remakes and sequels suffer from the law of diminishing returns. It was a truly worthwhile remake. Unfairly pigeonholed alongside such total and unmitigated shit like Hostel, and all that ‘torture porn’ nonsense, it could easily be overlooked were it not for the fact it is an uncompromisingly brutal, violent and scary horror film. So yes, despite the slight misstep with the aforementioned Mirrors, it would be safe to say I am big fan of Monsieur Aja.

But Piranha was a bit of an unknown quantity. I confess that despite also being a big fan of Joe Dante, I have never seen the original Piranha in its entirety. Coupled with the fact that the Piranha effects in the trailer looked far from the finished article, and I admit there was some scepticism creeping in before I sat down and watched this.

I should not, however, have worried. Piranha is just total glorious trash in the best possible sense of it all. I am a big, big fan of the 'creature runs amok' genre, be it Lake Placid, Alligator, Jaws, the Godzilla movies, Digby The Biggest Dog in the World or even Cloverfield. That stuff is like catnip to me. I cannot resist.  And Piranha is thusly a worthy addition to the oeuvre. The plot is slight – earthquake awakens prehistoric Piranhas. Piranhas eat tourists. Local cop must stop them. But frankly who cares about the plot? This is a chance to see every horror movie excess taken up to eleven. Be it nudity or gore, it’s all here and it’s all gloriously O.T.T.

Fun cameos abound from Richard Dreyfuss, Eli Roth (whom I despise, yet it’s undeniably fun seeing him get his comeuppance), and CHRISTOPHER LLOYD - hamming it up and channelling the spirit of Doc Brown in a manic turn as a local pet shop owner.  To clarify, Christopher Lloyd can do no wrong in my eyes. But where has he been? I’ve not seen him in a movie for ages and it is another of Piranha’s many plus points to have him lending his kinetic, hyperactive presence to the proceedings.

There is also a great irony, which I only realised after the movie had ended, where Richard Dreyfuss’ character more or less recreates a famous scene he was in from Jaws, but in reverse!

I also do not believe that there is another actor working today who can play an utter douchebag as well as Jerry O’Connell. The man just oozes fuckwittery, and has the kind of face that must act like a magnet for punches. He is every American Jock and British Reebok wearing, up-for-a-fight town centre Saturday night pisshead you’ve ever seen in your life, all rolled up into one oily cunt of a human being. It is almost unthinkable to reconcile the fact that he once plied his trade as the fat kid in Stand By Me or as the goody two shoes Quinn Mallory in the excellent, but underrated sci fi series Sliders, with the fact his bread and butter nowadays is playing a shitheel.

Some weight is lent to the yarn by having a bit of quality in there. Elizabeth Shue and Ving Rhames are on board as the hero cops and both are great. Nobody in the film plays it like it’s beneath them, or that they are slumming it, and bit parts are filled out with quality b-movie actors like Dina Meyer; And perhaps most shockingly of all, beyond even any of the gory set pieces Aja can set up, is that Kelly Brook is NOT terrible!

The movie succeeds on all fronts. The set pieces and the gore are grisly and the special effects hold up even in 2D. It’s a movie designed as exploitation – exploitation of nudity and gore, and also of technology. It exists to take advantage of the 3D and show it off in the most base and tasteless ways possible. In case you’re mistaking that oxymoron for a criticism, then rest heartily assured that it is not. It is solid gold trash!  Low brow fun of the HIGHEST order. My only regret is that I did not catch this in 3D at the movies. If there is any possibility for you to see this flick in 3D then I would highly recommend it, because as good as it was, in 3D it would have been amazing.

IMDB: Piranha

REVIEW OF 2010

Ok ok, so with the end of another year it’s time to take stock and evaluate (apparently). So here goes with my list of the best (and worst) films from the past year. Some of these beauties are reviewed elsewhere on here, some are likely to be forthcoming, and others were just too darn good for words/awful to speak of (translation: I can’t be arsed to review them).

I should definitely have written a review for Boy, because it is a fantastic movie and I utterly loved it. To have not reviewed yet, does not sit well, as it’s defeating the point of the blog to have not written about a film I enjoyed that much. Monsters too should have got a write up after I saw it during the Melbourne International Film Festival (M.I.F.F), but I plum ran out of time. Red Hill is on my reviews agenda.

Anyway onward and upward. 2010 was a good yield overall. I couldn’t pare the list down to 10 so I’ve gone with my top 14 for 2010 in, more or less, descending order (subject to random changes of mind and/or alterations on a whim).

1.    Scott Pilgrim Vs The World
2.    Tron: Legacy
3.    Iron Man 2
4.    Red Hill
5.    Bunny and the Bull (didn’t come out until 2010 in Australia, so I’m including it)
6.    Boy
7.    Monsters
8.    Lemmy
9.    Avatar (late 2009 so I’m including it)
10.    Machete
11.    Animal Kingdom
12.    The American
13.    Four Lions
14.    Predators

Honourable mentions for the movies that just missed out on the top list by a gnat’s cock are:
Hot Tub Time Machine,
The Road,
The Concert.

The disappointments (enjoyable, but not as good as they should have been):
Extract (As a HUGE Mike Judge fan, this left me very cold),
The Expendables and
Kickass.

The shit worst:
The A Team. Displaying a COLOSSAL lack of respect for the original series – from Liam Neeson bad mouthing it in interviews, to lack of theme tune. It missed the point wholesale on just about everything that made The A Team great. Sharlto Copley was admittedly a great Murdock, but otherwise, fuck this movie.

And finally…
Those not included, because I still need to see them:
Piranha,
Easy A,
Winter’s Bone,
Toy Story 3,
Inception,
The Infidel a.k.a. The Reluctant Infidel

SOLOMON KANE

I had wanted to see Solomon Kane because I read that it was a bit like Krull!; and true enough I could see some similarities in a bunch of no-mark British actors stomping through a fairly predictable sword and sorcery plot against some black pupil-ed villans! Although that makes it sound like I didn’t enjoy it, when in actual fact it was rather entertaining. Drawing inspiration from Hammer Horror, set in a frosty, pea soup England and starring James Purefoy in the title role of repentant devil Solomon Kane - looking more than a little bit like a limey Hugh Jackman from Van Helsing, as he stomps around with long hippy hair, jet black cape and a wide brimmed hat.

Based on Robert E. Howard (creator of Conan The Barbarian – thank you very much Wikipedia!) ’s pulp novels, Solomon Kane is a formerly violent and evil man, seeking redemption for his sins having discovered his soul – promised to the Devil – is damned. Choosing a non violent path to penitence, Solomon is befriended by an emigrating family, but slowly drawn back to his violent days of old as Meredith, the daughter of the family is kidnapped by the forces of the evil Sauroman-lite sorcerer Malachi!

Solomon Kane is a pretty well made, enjoyable fantasy movie with some nice special effects and a cracking opening sequence in medieval North Africa. Despite a fairly generic plot it remained heartily entertaining and served up one or two unexpectedly pleasing moments of darkness.

In the minor complaint dept. I felt the hunting montage as Solomon goes after Malachi’s forces was a little cack handed. It was a little too muddled and didn’t give the feeling of passing time. One of the Devils Creatures was also a little to close in design to LOTR’s Balrog mixed with the Golden Army from Hellboy 2. Additionally after Solomon tooled up and hit the road I was left wondering where he got his pair of pistols from?!

Performance wise it featured the ever reliable Pete Postlethwaite, of whom I have been a big fan of ever since his sterling turn as the slimy Obadiah in the Sharpe series! He played the father of the emigrating family who take in Solomon, and he is great value as always.

Max Von Sydow elevates the proceedings with a small-ish role as Solomon’s father, and for fellow Star Trek nerds like me it was cool to see Borg Queen Alice Krige playing the mother of the family.

The denouement was pretty much as predictable as they come and easily guessed, but that’s not such a bad thing in a flick like this. On the plus side I found it very entertaining to be watching a largely British fantasy movie, set in a World of demons and magic, doing its own thing; and it felt like perhaps Krull isn’t too bad of a comparison. I also thought it nodded its stove pipe hat toward Lord Of The Rings and maybe even Willow on occasion!

There’s overtly a bit of Hammer Horror in there and although it’s not perfect – a little light in the plot department, and I felt perhaps Solomon Kane was a little bereft of the necessary gravitas – it was a largely enjoyable watch, and as far as recent movies in this genre go, it was waaaaay better than the Clash Of The Titans remake! Let’s have a sequel please!

IMDB: Solomon Kane


Subsequent to my writing this review (which I penned back in December), the sad news arrived regarding the passing away of Pete Postlethwaite. As noted above, I was a fan, and so it would be remiss not mention how great of an actor he was. Whether he was Sharpe’s arch nemesis, playing The Usual Suspects for saps, hunting dinosaurs in The Lost World, or slumming it in Clash Of The Titans he was always a reliably great presence. One of my favourite roles, like many folk I’m sure, was in Brassed Off – a wonderful film and no mistake. One other thing is resolutely certain – cinema is far, far poorer without Pete Postlethwaite. R.I.P.