THE FUTURE (M.I.F.F.)

Miranda July’s follow up to the delightful ‘Me You and Everyone We Know’, turned out to be a wretchedly irritating glimpse into the first world problems of a complete dickhead.

As fair warning, I’m not going to have any qualms about spoilers in this review, on account of the fact you can’t spoil a turd, and I’ll be doing you favour by saving you the anguish of having to sit through it.

Pending their imminent adoption of a cat and thus signalling, you know, adult responsibility and shit, Sophie (Miranda July) and Jason (Hamish Linklater) start having a mid 30’s crisis and decide to both quit their jobs and stop going on facebook for 5 minutes so they can spend their days doing awkward, pretentious dance routines and go do volunteer work selling trees respectively. Then, somewhere along the line, out of the blue Sophie decides to start an affair with a bloke she met over the phone. She moves in with him, yet continues to be the most pretentiously annoying human being on Planet Earth. There follows a downright bizarre set of sequences where, amongst other things and for no discernible reason,  the man’s daughter buries herself up to her neck in a hole she dug in the garden (!!); and then later on Sophie climbs inside an oversized t-shirt and proceeds to prat about doing a stupid dance.  Oh and did I mention that the whole thing is narrated by the cat they were due to adopt? Childishly voiced by Miranda July, it’s cloying, saccharine monologues will likely cause the viewer to exhibit feelings of annoyance and irritated rage.

Miranda July’s whole ‘I’m a wacky and unusual creative’ schtick wears real thin, real fast, and her character is just a deeply dislikeable arsehole. I am still unsure as to whether the audience is supposed to be rooting for her character or not, but I really can’t see any reasoning as to why they should. By the time ending trundled into site I was beyond caring about anyone in this movie and was more annoyed with the fact I just wasted 20 bucks on watching such monumental drivel.

So just to be clear, I flat out DESPISED this film.

On the MIFF rating system I gave this film 1 star out of 5, but I would have given it zero if I had been able to.

IMDB: The Future

HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN (M.I.F.F.)

Despite it’s superb premise, and the presence of the frankly wonderful Rutger Hauer in the lead role, Hobo With A Shotgun failed to deliver. The ‘high concept’ storyline revolves around Rutger Hauer’s Hobo of the title, exacting bloody revenge on the lawless criminals of the city and underworld boss The Drake.

Unfortunately Hobo With A Shotgun just didn’t work. Not even as being an enjoyable piece of nonsense. Rutger Hauer has many entrants in his back catalogue that qualify as enjoyable trash – not least the SUPERB Blind Fury, and the entertaining Salute of the Jugger – but Hobo just couldn’t manage it. It looked good; like 80’s video trash. Reminiscent of Street Trash for example, in both acting ability and aesthetic. Some nice touches were in there – I can’t help but feel when the villains put manhole covers around the necks of their victims, it was a cheeky nod to Rutger Hauer’s 90’s action classic, Wedlock – and there was a spirited 5 or 10 minutes in the middle where the Hobo takes up his vigilante crusade and it seemed like things might fall into place.

But despite the gore and the look of the movie, it felt mean spirited. It was nasty, and perhaps that was the intent, but it ended up meaning that there really was no fun at all to be had here.

It felt contrived. Like the dialogue was intentionally terrible. One part in particular, where the Hobo is talking about bears, was excruciating. The script felt like it had been written precisely for hipsters with terrible moustaches and oversized brogues to laugh at ironically.

Most unforgivably of all, it was toweringly unfunny. I’ve nothing against crude or juvenile humour. In fact I positively celebrate it. But just being crude or juvenile does not necessarily make you funny; and that’s the case here. It was a total laugh vacuum.

On the MIFF rating system I gave this film 1 star out of 5. Hobo with a SHITgun.

IMDB: Hobo With A Shotgun

NORWEGIAN WOOD (M.I.F.F.)

A soulful, beautifully filmed, slow burn, based on the Haruki Murakami’s acclaimed novel. Norwegian Wood tells the story of Watanabe and his love for two girls. One, Naoko, a troubled, fragile spirit from his youth; back in his life and still unable to come to terms with a tragedy that haunts them both; and the other, Midori, an intriguing new love.

It has indeed been a very long time since I read the book, so comparison was hard. What I can say was that the film was excellent.  Fully transporting you back to the 60’s, with gorgeous scenery in the Japanese countryside, and it’s captivating storyline, it paints a tragic portrait of grief and love. Nonetheless, I found myself riveted as the story is unfurled.

Sad but ultimately rewarding.

On the MIFF rating system I gave this film 4 stars out of 5.

IMDB: Norwegian Wood

SUBMARINE (M.I.F.F.)

This was the first Melbourne International Film Festival (MIFF) movie of the season for me. Having been rejected for their film blog reviews project courtesy of a rather patronising email that misspelled the word 'calibre', I had considered not mentioning MIFF in this review. You might even say that I was a bit... ahem... 'MIFFed' about it!  Nonetheless, as you can see from my opening gambit here, I have opted to be the bigger man. Chalk one up for personal growth.

Submarine is the tale of  Oliver growing up in a small town in Wales, charting his forays into first love, and his attempts to scupper his mother’s plans to meet up with an old flame. Sounds like a barrel of laughs right? Well it is in fact extremely funny. Beautifully shot and very well made by The IT Crowd's Richard Ayoade (his first feature as a director), it successfully juggles both the comedic and serious tone of the film to get the right balance between humour and melodrama. Similar in a way to how Bunny and the Bull managed to be simultaneously side achingly funny yet also rather touching.

Submarine is narrated from the perspective of central character Oliver, oftentimes with his opinion that his life is a movie. This device had the potential to be a bit trite if mishandled, but this film is so well made and charming across the board that it succeeds triumphantly. Also, unless I am much mistaken, it is a pretty common adolescent fantasy to believe your life is actually a movie. But please all the psychiatrists who read this blog, feel free to correct me.*

The cast is excellent all round, with charisma and likeability in spades. Craig Roberts and Yasmin Paige in the lead roles, turn in charming and hugely entertaining performances. Paddy Considine’s character verged on being a bit too silly, but got away with it by virtue of his great comedic turn and the colossal goodwill that this movie conjures.

Noah Taylor was superb. The perfect study of mild mannered melancholy. The sequence about his former job as an Open University TV presenter (“he was an uncomfortable screen presence”) had me bellowing with laughter. And Sally Hawkins was fantastic as Oliver's  highly strung mother, Jill.

I LOVED the shit out of this movie. Submarine is a fantastically enjoyable movie all round. This could quite conceivably be the film of the festival, if not the year, for me.

On the MIFF rating system I gave this film 5 stars out of 5.

IMDB: Submarine

* Incidentally I would imagine there are many psychiatrists who would use this blog in a professional capacity in order to study the long term effects of Indiana Jones & The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull induced trauma. How can a normal, well adjusted man in his early 30’s, 3 years after the fact, still suffer cold sweats, despondency and crippling Indiana Jones related nightmares? The only peace coming in those 2 to 3 seconds after one wakes up in the morning and having the firm conviction that the fourth movie was all a dream. It was another bad dream – Indiana Jones didn’t fight aliens; it was another bad dream – Indiana Jones didn’t survive a nuclear blast; it was another bad dream – they didn’t use Sean Connery’s IMDB headshot as a family portrait when discussing his death; it was another bad dream – Mutt didn’t swordfight a badly accented Cate Blanchett on top of a FUCKING CGI JEEP!. Excuse me, I need to go have a lie down.