For a person who spends a lot of his time watching and writing about movies, I did not see a lot of new films in 2022 year to compile a properly satisfactory Top Ten.
In fairness, most of my film writing this year was about movies that were already released, or underseen, or that you might have somehow missed. If I’m honest I prefer writing about movies I love, that I can recommend enthusiastically, rather than new releases.
So I haven’t yet gotten to see X, Nope, Avatar: The Way of Water, Banshees of Inisherin or Triangle of Sadness (the latter two have only just been released in Australia), all of which I suspect may have dented my Top Ten. What I have instead is a Top Ten of 2022 movies where the last couple might well get bumped once I catch up with all my 2022 viewing admin.
I’ve also got a bumper crop of first time watches, for older films I discovered, and loved. As well as the traditional ‘worst of’ list for movies I would very much like my time, money and effort back for, please.
Top Movies of 2022
1. Prey
Initial worries that Ye Olde Predytore might be a bit gimmicky were immediately dispelled, as Prey quickly establishes itself as the best Predator movie since Arnie wisecracked around the jungle in ‘87.
2. Everything Everywhere All At Once
EEAaO is overflowing with vivid imagination, oddball humour, big ideas and bigger feelings. It’s weird, funny and above all else original. Michelle Yeoh can do no wrong in my eyes and the return of Ke Huy Quan to cinema screens is very welcome. A genuinely wild ride.
3. Barbarian
A tense Air BnB nightmare that made me feel genuinely uncomfortable in the cinema. Full disclosure, I was already feeling a bit ill at the time, but let’s give Barbarian the benefit of the doubt. It does a lot with a simple concept, and the things it doesn’t show us generate the biggest heebie jeebies. The first half is almost flawless.
4. Resurrection
Andrew Semans’ dark thriller shifts gears somewhere along the line into outright horror, but not before dragging us under the surface into the depths of grief, trauma and psychological control. Rebecca Hall is phenomenal.
5. Apollo 10 ½
Richard Linklater was back playing with rotoscope for an animated childhood memoir that combines nostalgia and exaggeration to perfect effect. It crept out on Netflix in the middle of the year without really setting the world alight, but I didn’t see much better, and nor was anything more ‘feelgood’ in 2022.
6. Bullet Train
Extremely fun Shinkansen violence caper. Great cast, simple plot, Cockney Rejects on the soundtrack. What more do you want, mate?
7. Language Lessons
Natalie Morales’ directorial debut, taking place almost entirely over Zoom as the pandemic was in full swing during filming. The story of two people learning from each other, trusting and supporting each other, becoming friends. Both Morales and Mark Duplass are fantastic and it feels real and never saccharine. Technically a 2021 release, it barely saw the light of day in Australia until showing up on Kanopy earlier this month. Which is a real shame, so I’m including it regardless.
8. Tony Hawk: Until the Wheels Fall Off
Documentaries on people with exceptional talent will always be fascinating and Tony Hawk’s story is no different. It’s careful not to paint him as flawless, acknowledging his failings, but also showing off what raw ability and dedicated, tunnel-vision perfectionism can achieve.
9. The Northman
Robert Eggers epic Norse yarn of vengeance and chronic procrastination might not’ve been as wild as the trailer led me to believe, but it was still a weird and visually pleasing tale of Norse aggro and awkward family dynamics.
10. The Unbearable Weight Of Massive Talent
A light, fun adventure that sneaks into the top ten on the strength of the Cage / Pascal chemistry at its centre. However, I maintain that MY idea for a weird-meta-Nic-Cage-movie that I came up with in 2019 (and tweeted about extensively), is better, to wit:
The true story of the theft of Nicolas Cage’s Action Comics #1. Every character is played by Cage EXCEPT Nicolas Cage, who is played by Tilda Swinton. Also Superman talks directly to Cage in dreams, co-ordinating his career and there is friction between the two because Cage blames him for The Wicker Man remake.
Favourite First Time Watches 2022
Live Wire (1992)
Thanks to a random GIF on Twitter I discovered that Live Wire is one of the greatest action thrillers of the 90s, possibly of all time. Terrorists devise a liquid explosive that activates inside the human body and it’s up to Pierce Brosnan’s cocky bomb disposal cop, who plays by his own rules (of course), to stop them. There’s an extremely overwrought death scene, an absurd, sentient bomb robot and Brosnan fights an exploding clown… in a wheelchair. It’s magnificent stupidity, the towering high point of Brosnan’s career and I loved every single idiotic second of it.
Freeway (1996)
How did so many big names agree to make something so sleazy and how did it fly under my radar for twenty five years? Freeway is dark and seedy and utterly deranged. You’ll need a shower if you come within ten feet of it. A lurid, trash masterpiece.
Lapsis (2020)
Unique and thoroughly compelling anti-capitalist / job-hell sci-fi. Lapsis throws its tech into a world not otherwise more advanced than ours, making for some sharp, unassuming and thoughtful indie science fiction.
Miami Connection (1987)
Miami Connection is a movie that spends 99% of its run time beating the crap out of ninjas, with the remaining 1% spent singing songs about beating the crap out of ninjas. It’s a sublime blend of low budget action, ninja movie staples and enjoyable blood and guts. Go ahead and laugh AT it if you must, but I’m here laughing WITH it. Miami Connection’s big, earnest heart and over the top thrills make it completely impossible to dislike. Plus, I am utterly obsessed with the soundtrack.
The Dawn Wall (2017)
Another documentary about an incredible talent. Tommy Caldwell’s life story could be a Hollywood movie, except you’d dismiss it for being too far fetched! Jaw dropping and hugely enjoyable.
Minari (2020)
Steven Yeun is a brilliant actor and I was completely absorbed by Minari which is, at times, utterly lovely; and at others it made me want to fucking weep. A fantastic film.
Timecop (1994)
Somehow I had never seen Timecop. For nearly thirty years it evaded me and I was going about my day to day business, blissfully unaware of how awesome it is. Van Damme + time travel = a good, good time.
Miracle Mile (1988)
Surprisingly dark race against time thriller, starring the criminally underrated Anthony Edwards. Miracle Mile warps from romantic comedy into nuclear fear / societal breakdown terror in the blink of an eye, as the patrons of an all night diner get an early heads up on the forthcoming apocalypse, thanks to wrong number.
My Neighbor Totoro (1988)
Finally got to watching this Miyazaki classic when I was isolating with Covid earlier in the year and, what a surprise, it charmed the pants off me. Iconic characters, wonderful animation and a delightfully feelgood story. It’s not at all hard to see why so many people have taken this movie to their hearts.
Judas and the Black Messiah (2021)
An incendiary biopic of Black Panther, Fred Hampton, which is depressingly unjust and, sadly, still hugely relevant. Brilliantly acted with a fantastic performance from Daniel Kaluuya.
The Shit Worst
Texas Chainsaw Massacre was a piss weak reboot that misunderstood everything that made the original great. It introduced an extremely insensitive and sour NRA loving subplot, fell back on gore when it had no ideas of its own, and ground Tobe Hooper’s legacy into dust. The worst movie I have seen in a very long time. There was no close competition and it was absolute garbage.
The makers of the insufferable Running with the Devil: The Wild World of John McAfee were more interested in themselves than their subject matter. So we had to suffer through a documentary about privileged media bros, instead of privileged tech bros. It was unwatchable.
Jackass Forever reunited a bunch of forty-something skaters to remind us all how much they enjoy harassing animals. The chained up bear was the last straw for me.
Metal Lords was a charmless Netflix subculture cash-in, from the creators of Game of Thrones. Apparently they’d been wanting to make it for years. God knows why?
