SKYLINE

I first noted Skyline, because I read that the effects house had ditched Battle:Los Angeles in favour of working on this. It got my interest, and so I sought it out. Directed by the Brothers Strause, Skyline is much like their previous movie Aliens Vs Predator: Requiem – it is hugely flawed, but not irredeemably so.

The story revolves around  Jarrod and Elaine who arrive in Los Angles to visit old friend Terry on his birthday (Turk from Scrubs, playing Turk from Scrubs). At around 4am these brightly blue, luminescent rays descend from the skies and strike LA at various points over the city. The protagonists swiftly realise it is the beginning of an alien invasion, and have to find a way out of their predicament. With little success, they find themselves confined in their apartment building by the horrors outside.

The problem with Skyline is in its complete and utter lack of any originality. Clearly, unique thought was at a premium in the scripwriter’s house as it plays like a shopping list of derivative sci fi. From The Mist to The Matrix, by way of Independence Day, Cloverfield and District 9, there’s a lot of other people’s ideas on show.

Additionally, one thing I really hate about bad creature features and horror movies is when the villain or monster stops doing whatever it is that makes them fearsome in the first place (there is mild spoiler ahead). For example, they set the aliens up from the start as being able to kill people very easily – with either their mind control rays or fearsome tentacles – so how is it then that a human being is able to wail on one with his bare fists in a big alien vs person punch up? Why doesn’t it just shoot a tentacle at him and kill him? Lame.

However as I mentioned above, although flawed it is not without merit. The effects are great and there are a couple of really cracking set pieces. A chase through the building courtyard and an E.B.E. assault atop the roof provide robust thrills aplenty.

Additionally the alien design MUST have been drawing inspiration (pun intended) from Mike Mignola and John Arcudi’s B.P.R.D. series, in particular the apocalyptic scenes from the Black Flame storyline, as they look to be riffing heavily on the frog design (see picture). This is however a compliment as they look grubbily realistic. The extraterrestrials look great and the effects are largely impressive and cool.


Actor wise, we have the likeable Donald Faison, as mentioned.  As well as Eric Balfour who is better known as being the weasel-y guy from Six Feet Under and one of the people who thought that remaking the Texas Chainsaw Massacre was a good idea (note: it WASN’T).

Another of the main four is played by Brittany Daniel - one half of the Sweet Valley High tv series twins, of yore. The kind of Californian aryan surfette that you heretofore probably thought existed only in Charlie Sheen’s mind. She was actually pretty good and one of the better actors in this thing.

Ultimately though, the film is marred by the wretchedly abysmal ending that rips off District 9 so badly they ought to be ASHAMED. At the very least they ought to give Neill Blomkamp a writing credit! There is no explanation for what happens at the finale AT ALL, feeling like the movie finished without a proper end and leaving you wondering aloud about what the fuck just happened. It’s lazy and cheap and kind of insulting. What a drag.

What really makes it all a big fat shame is that Skyline was self financed by the Strause Brothers. It’s an admirable approach and sounds much like the way in which the criminally underrated Sky Captain And The World Of Tomorrow was conceived. But whereas Sky Captain was a lovingly seasoned homage to the likes of the Buck Rogers and Flash Gordon movie serials, Skyline scoffs too much off the plate of its forbears. To go to such great lengths and means of making the film in this way should be applauded, but I just wish that the story had been there to back it up.

Despite all this, and some dodgy acting, the effects are top notch and mean that it does remain mostly watchable. Even while it’s shameless pilfering of better sci-fi is brazenly shoved in front of you, it has just enough enjoyable moments in it to make it worth a watch. And given time, it could even become a guilty pleasure.

IMDB: Skyline

BLACK SWAN

When I initially walked out of the cinema, I really wasn’t sure what to make of this. There were aspects of this bleak ride that I loved, coupled with a less tangible element that didn’t sit right for some reason. However the movie definitely stayed with me over the proceeding days and the more I think back on it and ponder it, the more I think it really was rather good.

The story focuses on ballet dancer Nina Sayers. Technically gifted yet emotionally stunted, she lives at home with her domineering mother and dedicates every waking hour to perfecting her craft. Her mother’s suffocating presence is revealed to be the result of both her vicarious desire for Nina’s career and Nina’s own troubled, self harming past. After years of dedication, she finally gets her big break as the lead in the company’s newest production of Swan Lake, but as she struggles with the part of the eponymous Black Swan the pressure begins to mount on her already brittle psyche.

I am still unsure about Aronovsky as a director (thankfully his Robocop reboot has been shelved), and the beginnings of the movie did nothing dissuade my misgivings. It was all shaky cam and ridiculously hard close-ups, which I hope was employed to signify Nina’s edgy, ill at ease personality, rather than as a stylistic choice. If the former, then I think I can eventually get on board with it; but if the latter, then it was just flat out annoying.

There were moments where the dialogue was risible - Thomas’s homework instruction to Nina, that she go home and engage in a spot of onanism felt like it came straight out of a Shannon Tweed movie. Although in fairness I would say that was a blip, because for the most part the acting was uniformly excellent. To be honest if Vincent Cassell and Natalie Portman have ever been anything less than great, then I’ve yet to see it. In the light of it’s Oscar glory, whatever else you might say about this film, you can’t deny that Natalie Portman is sensational, making Nina’s fragility utterly sympathetic and centring the movie with a crucial believability.

Mila Kunis, quite aside from being totally swoonsville, was also excellent as Nina’s friend/rival Lily. You’re never meant to be quite sure of her motives or if she is genuine or not. And at it’s core it’s this ambiguity throughout the main body of the film that makes Black Swan an interesting watch.

It's dark and tormented, and ultimately that's what won through for me.

IMDB: Black Swan

SHIT PASS

Ok, well first of all my feelings of shame at having sat through this tofurkey, make me feel like I need to justify why I went to see this in the first place! Basically it was playing at a Drive-In and we were caught up in the excitement of the Drive-In movie experience. We wanted a light hearted flick that we wouldn’t have to concentrate on too much. And boy did we ever get that.

Additionally it had allegedly been reviewed in a local paper as moving beyond its clichéd premise. And it is at this point that I should point out that the story was as utterly hackneyed as is possible to get. At no point whatsoever did it even dare to suggest it might move away from its thoroughly leaden and predictable direction

I should point out also, that I am a fan of the Farrelly Brothers masterpiece – Dumb and Dumber. I am also fond of There’s Something About Mary. But their early promise has curdled in the intervening years and here we are left with this wretched affront to cinema.

The plot – such as it is – involves Owen Wilson and his odious best friend receiving a ‘week off’ from their respective marriages in order to try and seduce women and supposedly get all of their letching out of their system. Cue two tedious hours of shittery, with lots of awful ‘the difference between men and women’ type humour, the likes of which you would ordinarily see spewing from the fat mouth of the worst kind of ‘Saturday-night-on-ITV’ comedian. The kind of lowest common denominator mirth that appeals to divs because ‘hey my wife/girlfriend/husband/boyfriend does that too! It’s so true”. You get the picture. Then, after the movie is done insulting you with the worst kind of Michael McIntyre jokes, it devolves into some utterly saccharine ‘we love our wives after all’ bullshit and you sit there feeling nauseous because you just wasted 10 dollars and a valuable part of your 30’s, that are just whizzing by at light speed, and can ill afford to be wasted on dreck like this.

In the spirit of full disclosure I should admit that it was not entirely unfunny. There were one or two amusing moments – such as Owen Wilson’s cack handed attempt at a chat-up line. The movie also ends with a superb Stephen Merchant sequence which I won’t say anything about lest I spoil the only pleasure this movie has to offer. My advice, if you MUST go see this, is just pop in at the end and watch the last 2 minutes.

Talking of Stephen Merchant, whilst it is indeed nice to see him getting some recognition, he is well and truly slumming it here. And what’s more, he’s not the only one. Owen Wilson co-wrote Rushmore for goodness sake! The same man who is partly responsible for the peerless The Royal Tenenbaums also starred in this piece of shit. Just let your brain process that one for a second, and try not to implode.

Also worthy of note is the presence of Leon from Curb Your Enthusiasm, which on the face of it, ought to be dynamite having him in a Farrelly Brothers movie. Disappointingly he is given nothing to do and after a while you just plain forget he’s in it.

Finally we come to Jason Sudeikis as the sidekick/best friend character. I have no idea who he is. Never seen him in anything before, but IMDB reliably informs me that he was in 30 Rock and Saturday Night Live. Frankly he is a disaster. He simply does not have the charisma to pull it off. Where he should be at least slightly sympathetic in order to get you board for his crude gags, he is merely obnoxious.  One hundred percent dislikeable and he never gets back on track.

You can tell how appalling it is going to be by the movie poster. In Drew Struzan’s book (which I hope to review here imminently) he laments the loss of the movie poster as a piece of artwork, replaced as it has been, by a series of floating heads put together by a suit with Photoshop. The poster to Hall Pass is the embodiment of this argument. I mean just LOOK at it! Look at how little effort or thought has been put into this poster. I mean it is just absolute fucking NOTHING. And lo, so is the movie.

Ultimately I don’t suppose you can criticise a film for doing pretty much what you expect of it. But you can certainly criticise all the jerkweeds who conspired to have it made in the first place. The fact that this film can be made at all boggles the mind and if you’ve ever seen Idiocracy then you will know the World has just moved one step closer to seeing ‘Ass’ actually get made!

IMDB: Hall Pass